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10 Things to Know Before You Hire a Divorce Attorney
Written by Adrian Davis, J.D.
1. Understand which divorce process best meets your needs. In my next article titled “10 Things to Consider Before Selecting Your Divorce Process” I will discuss in detail the processes available. Please review the Family Law Services page to learn about a few of the divorce process options that are available to you.
2. Consider speaking with multiple attorneys to find the right fit for you. Often issues can be similar from case to case, however remember your situation is unique. It makes sense that not every attorney will be the proper fit for your case. Even if you do not have the resources to consult with multiple attorneys, consider calling the firm and asking if the attorney you are considering would be willing to speak briefly with you over the phone before scheduling a consultation.
3. Choose an attorney who fits your situation. The person you are selecting will be working with you throughout this process. As noted above, educating yourself about the process that makes the most sense for your particular situation should be paramount. After you decide how to handle the situation, make sure the attorney you want to work with is experienced with the process you selected. While reading attorneys’ websites, you will see they prefer particular aspects of their practice more. Some focus on mediation and collaborative divorce; others focus on litigation.
4. Find an attorney who forecasts a positive outcome for you. There is a saying that “the best chance of a successful outcome, is a positive attitude.” The level of confidence you have about your capability to succeed will predetermine your success. Therefore, you should look for an attorney who not only feels capable of handling your case, but who also feels good about your chances of a successful outcome. Finding an attorney with a positive attitude about your case will help you feel confident as well.
5. Discuss the costs. One of the most difficult conversations to have with your attorney will be about attorney’s fees. While it can be awkward, it is important to broach this subject. You must understand the retainer fee as well as gain an understanding of the entire cost of this process before moving forward.
6. Dispel the preconceptions you have about attorneys. If there are rumors you have heard or beliefs that you hold about attorneys, you should share these with any attorney you want to retain. One of my clients said, “I’ve been divorced more than once, so my impressions have changed over time. I have learned that most of what people think is true about divorce is not accurate.” Another client said, “I thought it was going to be very time consuming, sad, and expensive.” Know that there are good attorneys who want to hear what you have to say and want to address your specific situation. Also, remember that not every situation is time consuming or sad.
7. Remember the intangibles. I have often noticed that clients were unhappy about the outcome of their situation because they did not understand what was important to them. While it is common for clients to articulate a specific request for a co-parenting arrangement or a specific amount of money they wish to obtain, they sometimes overlook their desire to be treated fairly or to obtain resolution with privacy. Often when the intangibles are considered and addressed, other important matters are easier to resolve. Collaborative divorce provides privacy to its participants while litigation, as a public matter, does not. Try to focus not only on the specific numbers but also on the intangible aspects as well.
8. Reach out to your support network. If you know someone who is divorced, you can gain first hand knowledge of which attorney they used and what process worked for them. They may also offer insight about what to expect. Gather information, act on the advice that makes sense to you, and file the rest away for now.
9. Stand up for yourself. The right attorney can help you do this. At the end of the day, you have to be the one who decides whether the option on the table is acceptable. Remember that you are empowered to make the decision that is right for you. There is a reason another word for attorney is “counselor at law.” It is our job to give you all of the information you need and to help facilitate your resolution. However, at the end of the day, we cannot make the final choice for you. The more you are supported, the more you will be able to move forward after the process is over. One of my client’s said, “Make sure you take care of yourself… I regret not being more forceful and standing up for myself more.”
10. Envision your future. One of the items I request from all of my clients is a write up describing what they want in this situation. Many provide this in a 1-year, 5-year, or 10-year life plan and a list of questions, fears, and concerns about the process. In doing this exercise, you will start to understand your own needs and wants. One of my former clients advised, “Picture yourself 10 years from today.”
I think your advice of standing up for yourself during a divorce is critical. My cousin is going through a divorce right now and is really learning this principle. She is a very soft-spoken individual. I think she will learn a lot from this experience because she actually has to say what she wants. I hope both parties will work things out through good communication and being amicable to one another.
Thanks Cheryl! I hope your cousin experiences the type of divorce that she is able to move forward in a way that works for her. Too, I hope she realizes you can stay yourself, i.e. remain soft spoken and still communicate your needs without having to be confrontational.
I really like your suggestion to look out towards a support network for help in finding the right divorce attorney. People who have been through the process before should be able to recommend what kind of attorneys you should be looking for or, at the very least, which ones you should stay away from. When you’ve found one that one of your friends recommended it might not hurt to ask, if they’re allowed to talk about it, how your friend’s case went and whether or not the attorney thinks your cases are similar.
I so agree with you Simon. Seeing how friends/family divorces went, can give you perspective as to whether you want the same outcome or something different.
I think it’s good to get an attorney who will fit for your situation. I’m sure there are an endless amount of different situations there can be fore divorce. I’m sure some attorneys are better at handling certain situations than others. Thanks for the tips!
Thanks for the comment Nash! You are so right, I have many clients who come and say, “I know you have seen this before,” but really their situation is unique. So they should find an attorney who resonates with their unique situation.
I agree that you should discuss the costs of the process before hiring anyone. That way you can be sure you will be able to afford what they charge and all of their fees. My husband and I have been talking about divorce, so when I look for a lawyer I will make sure to ask about this. Thanks for sharing!
You are welcome Sam Wilkins. Some attorneys charge hourly fees, some flat rates and some offer both. Asking what the attorney thinks will be the total outlay is important. You do not want to find yourself in a situation where you have paid a retainer and this only starts your process. Too, the more you and your husband work together, the easier it will be for the both of you to manage the costs.
I like your tip on finding a divorce attorney who forecasts a positive outcome for me. I would imagine that having a lawyer that is positive about the outcome of your proceedings. My sister is going through a divorce so she should look for a lawyer that is positive.
Thanks for the feedback Jeff. I hope your sister does achieve a positive outcome. One that works for her and enables her to move on in a way that she is able to find peace and happiness!
I like your tip on choosing a divorce lawyer that fits your situation. I would imagine that because divorce can be very diverse it would be important to find representation that is focused on your specific needs. My sister is going through a separation so maybe she should hire a lawyer that is specialized in her specific needs.
Yes, you are correct. Logically lots of attorneys can understand what your sister’s situation is but not all will be able to truly understand her specific needs. That is because no one, unless they have been through her exact situation, really knows what she is going through. Hopefully, she is able/has found someone who resonates with her and maybe has some experience with the situation she is dealing with.
There are so many things that go into the divorce process. It’s sad, but the steps need to be taken and there are a lot of things that go into making those things work correctly. I’m grateful that there are divorce lawyers that help people through this whole process and make sure things go as smooth as possible.
Thank you Jorge. It is sad. When someone has to go through a separation and divorce, it is just as if that person is experiencing a death and they do grieve. When they can find an attorney who empathizes with their situation, and is able to support them through a divorce in a way that recognizes this loss, they will have a much faster healing.
Adrian, these sound like some great tips for anyone who is in need of a divorce attorney. I would assume that tip number six is really important. I think that preconceptions could make working with an attorney more stressful than it really is.
You are so right Zequek. We are all guilty of having preconceived notions. It takes practice and lots of listening skills to hear the needs of the person and not impose what you “think” their needs should be or to read into what they are saying.
This article does a very good job at explaining why it is important to hire a divorce lawyer. The tip about speaking with multiple lawyers to find the right one for you is very smart. I would imagine working with the right lawyer can make things go by so much smoother.
Thank you Luke. I have found that clients who hire an attorney after interviewing multiple ones (or at least getting a few recommendations) are overall happier with their choice.
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Thank you. I am glad you found it helpful. If there is anything specific you would like to see addressed in future articles, please let me know.
My husband and I are separated and will be going through the divorce process in the upcoming future. Because this is my first time in this situation I appreciate all ten things to know before hiring a divorce attorney. I really like the advice about meeting with multiple attorneys to make sure to find the best that fits your needs. I think this is important because having an attorney that I work well with and can best guide me to the best outcome possible in this situation. Thanks for all the great advice!
Thanks Alise. I am sorry that you are going through a separation. If you both are able to work together and find the right process for you both, you will be successful in reaching the best outcome! Good luck!
You have shared some interesting points in order to hire a divorce attorney.The above details will surely help those who are in need of divorce attorney.